to be alone is to be

Today is day one of two weeks without the hubs. Almost every year he goes on a camping trip with his father where they survive in the woods, hiking and camping. As I dropped him off at the airport a thin air of loneliness came over me, as it does every year. Then I thought about all the things I want to get done, like mega cleaning the house, maybe making some crafts, and hanging out with the girls. I came home, ate some breakfast and as I scrolled through facebook, I noticed some people seem unhappy and talk about their single status and loneliness as the source of their unhappiness.

Being with someone does not equate to happiness. I learned early on in my 20s that to be truly happy with someone else, one must first be happy alone. And now, after 10 years of marriage I know that is still true. When we have opposite schedules I am often relieved to have some alone time. It's good for my soul to be completely quiet without the influence of another person, even the one I love the most.

I've also learned recently that we are both alone and yet never alone. We are a part of something bigger. We are not only a part of the human race, we are a part of this world, this universe. We are one. With what? With everything. And yet we are alone. We each walk our own path and are responsible solely for our own path. And so, while a part of me is sad and misses my hubs, I know that we are separated only by distance. We are still connected. As I am connected to you. I know I am not alone. Neither are you. xoxo

to whom to i give this thanks?

i have made a conscious effort to live a more grateful life. to focus on the positive things and to be thankful for the things i have. this shift in my attitude has made me a happier person in general and i think has also brought people, things and opportunities into my life that might not have happened if i had a different attitude.

case in point, i have finally landed my dream job. yes, i have been seeking this opportunity for the last several years, but i truly believe that i did not get the job sooner because i did not have the right attitude. i needed to experience what i have over the last two years to prepare me for this job. and now that i have this dream job, i find myself thinking, "wow, i'm so thankful. i'm so grateful." then i immediately wonder, "well, to whom am i thankful?"

growing up in a christian household, the answer to that question would have been, "thank god." (or if it were a jewish or islamic household, the answer would also have been, "thank god." hmm. yeah. what about that?)

that conditioning has left me with a desire to direct my gratitude towards something or someone. it somehow doesn't feel complete for me to just be thankful without there being a recipient of my gratitude.

well, i can certainly thank myself. i worked hard and never gave up. i can thank my husband for supporting me without abandon. i can thank my parents, family and friends for the encouragement. i can thank my mentors and professors for giving me bits of wisdom and confidence. the list can go on and on. and this is where i learn that lesson of oneness. we are all connected. everyone and everything and every experience has brought me to this moment. so i can just be grateful. thank you. xoxo

playing catch up

Weekends tend to be either super busy for us or really tame. A few weekends ago we had a wedding on Friday and Sunday I went to the Pride parade with my friend.

Pride weekend is one of my favorite weekends of the summer in Chicago, which consists of a street fest, lots of events and a parade on Sunday. We used to live right next to "Boystown" where the street fest and parade are held. It was inevitable that we would hit up the street fest every year, and I always managed to make it to the parade, even if it was by myself for a little bit. But this year I was able to meet up with a friend to check out the spectacle.

Thanks to my friend Katie for letting me use her photos from the parade.

Afterwards we had an adult beverage and a feast of hummus at George Street Pub. They have an awesome patio.

Mmm. Hummus.

 One of my hot-button issues lately has been marriage equality. I am all for it. I am a straight ally, 100% supporter of gay marriage. I firmly believe that marriage equality is a civil rights issue. Our country is discriminating against an entire class of people by denying their right to marry simply because their partner is of the same sex. Talk to me all you want about beliefs and definitions of marriage. I've heard it all and I'm not impressed. This country is discriminating, and we need to stop. Period.

This past week was Independence Day. Typically we end up celebrating most "American" holidays in some fashion or another, but there is always something about them, the 4th, Columbus Day, Thanksgiving, that make me a little sad or mad. What do I as a Native American have to celebrate on these holidays? They are subtle reminders that an entire population was decimated, and Natives continue to suffer the consequence of "independence" or the Americas being "discovered." This year we did not celebrate at all. I wasn't raised to feel negative about these holidays, in fact we celebrated them like most American families, but through my life experiences and education, I have certainly had a change of heart. Sometimes I wonder what I will tell my children about these holidays.

Enough serious talk. I've been practicing yoga everyday now and have never felt better about myself. And I am still on the smoothie kick. This morning I switched it up a bit after I was inspired a recipe I found on Pinterest. I didn't have a whole lot of strawberries left, so I adapted it with what I had on hand.

Sweet and Tart Start to the Morning
-one half ripe peach
-handful of frozen strawberries
-about 3 or 4 ounces of coconut milk
-2 heaping spoonfuls of greek yogurt
-2 counts pour of OJ*

pulse and blend. Enjoy!

*as you know by now, I don't measure. But I used to bartend. When you pour a liquid and count "one-one thousand," you pour an ounce, or so damn close to one you'll be impressed. Go try it!

Have a great weekend! xoxo