to whom to i give this thanks?

i have made a conscious effort to live a more grateful life. to focus on the positive things and to be thankful for the things i have. this shift in my attitude has made me a happier person in general and i think has also brought people, things and opportunities into my life that might not have happened if i had a different attitude.

case in point, i have finally landed my dream job. yes, i have been seeking this opportunity for the last several years, but i truly believe that i did not get the job sooner because i did not have the right attitude. i needed to experience what i have over the last two years to prepare me for this job. and now that i have this dream job, i find myself thinking, "wow, i'm so thankful. i'm so grateful." then i immediately wonder, "well, to whom am i thankful?"

growing up in a christian household, the answer to that question would have been, "thank god." (or if it were a jewish or islamic household, the answer would also have been, "thank god." hmm. yeah. what about that?)

that conditioning has left me with a desire to direct my gratitude towards something or someone. it somehow doesn't feel complete for me to just be thankful without there being a recipient of my gratitude.

well, i can certainly thank myself. i worked hard and never gave up. i can thank my husband for supporting me without abandon. i can thank my parents, family and friends for the encouragement. i can thank my mentors and professors for giving me bits of wisdom and confidence. the list can go on and on. and this is where i learn that lesson of oneness. we are all connected. everyone and everything and every experience has brought me to this moment. so i can just be grateful. thank you. xoxo

A tiny seed.

Not every day on the road to happiness is easy. Choosing to be happy isn't as easy as it sounds. Yes, I wake up and say to myself, "Self, today I choose to be happy." And maybe I start the day out happy. Maybe I am happy the whole morning. I do yoga, I make my banana smoothie, I water my plants. I am happy. But then I get a phone call from a recruiter about a potential project. But, no, I am not a good fit for this client since I have my own practice. Ok, thank you very much. Disappointment.

That tiny seed of disappointment can grow into something that eventually leads to me and hubby arguing yesterday afternoon and once again, my happiness is brought into question.

The answer, yes, I am happy. I am happy in my marriage. I am happy in my life, in general. Am I happy with my current employment situation? A resounding "no." But the thing is, I have never believed my work makes up who I am. Who I am will determine what kind of attorney I will be, but not the other way around.

Yesterday had its ups and downs. But today is a new day. Guess what? Today I choose to be happy.  xoxo