Decisions, decisions, part 2

Ok, it has been awhile since I've written, but there have been a lot of things happening in my life. Small things, small changes. Most of them are on the inside, how I think, how I am trying to change the way I view my life. These small changes are adding up.

The first thing that happened was I made a choice. I've said it before. I wake up every day and decide to be happy and decide to have peace in my life. I (try) to think positive thoughts and act in positive ways and as a result I am attracting positive things. I am also trying to be as grateful as I can  for who and what I have in my life. This is a change in the way I used to think, which was a focus on what I thought I lacked in life: a better career, financial ability to buy a house and start a family. Instead I am thankful for steady, temporary work, our awesome apartment and the family and friends that are in my life right now. Right now, all I ask for is for happiness and prosperity.

We are still very much in debt and probably always will be due to my student loans. I used to worry that we would never be able to afford a house or a family or to travel the world like we want to. What silliness to worry over. What a waste of my energy. I have asked for prosperity and slowly but surely we have found financial stability. Bit by bit, we are paying off some of the debt that we recently incurred over the past few years. I just crossed off a huge debt from my "owe" column and it felt awesome. This was a debt that I had been worrying about for about 6 months. But since my change in attitude, I found ways to save up and last week I wrote that check. The funny thing is, neither me or my hubby have been working extra to save up and we weren't going without anything either. The money just seemed to be in our account after about six weeks. I asked for prosperity and we are being given what we ask for.

I will also say that both hubby and I are on a bit of a spiritual journey. This past year was a tough year for us. I had a job that I absolutely loathed and it took me a while to have the courage to leave. Right after I made that choice, my grandmother passed away. Both of us have sisters who are very ill. All of this culminated with us having a lot of questions about what do we believe about life, who are we as human beings and questioning what we believe about God. We decided to attend a Buddhist temple in our neighborhood and on Saturday mornings I am taking an introductory class. I am also reading a lot of different material on living a simple life, including a book a friend gave me as a birthday gift, Choosing Simplicity. I feel at peace and most days I have an inner joy that I haven't had in a very long time. That being said, I acknowledge that my spiritual journey is just beginning and the path is narrow.

s'more cupcakes, please!

I love to bake. I call myself "bed head betty crocker" because sometimes I wake and bake on the weekends.

Me and my beloved KitchenAid

 A few weekends ago it was my birthday and I baked myself some yummy cupcakes I found on pinterest.

Although, mine turned out a bit different from the recipe that Martha featured because I didn't use as much of the graham cracker topping on the cupcakes. The original recipe calls for the graham cracker mix on the bottom and on top of the cupcake. I eliminated the topping.

I only added the graham cracker to the bottom of the cupcake liners; not as a topping like the recipe calls for.

With half my batch I tried the cupcakes without adding chocolate on top of the graham cracker; I prefer it without the chocolate. It's not as crispy/hard on the bottom and allows for more cupcake in the liner.

Also, I don't have one of those kitchen torches so I used a different frosting that turned out similar to that "fluff" you can find in the store.

I am still very much a novice baker. I didn't get super stiff peaks with my frosting and it took longer than 7 minutes as the recipe calls for.

But I thought they tasted awesome all around. 

The recipe yielded 28 cupcakes. While I would have enjoyed eating all 28, I took them to my workplace and they disappeared almost instantaneously. Enjoy a s'mores cupcake before the summer is out! Have a great weekend! xoxo

francophile

What girl doesn't dream of Paris and the romance the city promises to bring? I have been a Paris dreamer for a very long time. I bumbled my way through 2 semesters of community college French courses where my teacher dared us to make our dreams come true. She dutifully taught us the importance of, at the very least, attempting to speak the native language wherever your travels may take you. In 2007, my dreams came true when my hubby and I spent 12 days in the city of lights. It has been my dream ever since to see and eat the rest of our way through the French countryside. A few years ago, I happily found out by looking at a picture from the family Bible (on my pop's side) that my Great-great-great-grandfather was born in France! le sigh!

To my great surprise, my hubby found this wonderful little event for us to go to on Bastille Day last weekend and we had the sweetest time.

 It is the little things in life that make me happy and hubby was so thoughtful to suggest spending our Saturday night at the Bastille Day celebration.

Of course, I had to take a pic of the one of the French Bulldogs who came to partake in the festivities.

AND! I ate my first ever (and second) macaron. YUM!

I had a pistachio and raspberry. Someday soon when the blazes of summer have cooled off a bit I would like to try my hand at this difficult yet delicate petit biscuit.

Until then, I will happily dream my way to France on Pinterest. Bon nuit mes amies! xx

slightly introverted

This past year has caused me to look inside and ask who am I and what do I have to offer, in terms of both being a professional and in terms of the relationships I have with those around me. I have high standards for what I want, again, both professionally and from my friends and family. But do I always deliver to those same standards?

I admit I am human, I have flaws, so I know I do not ALWAYS live up to the highest of standards. But I certainly try and when I know I have faulted I try to make things right.

I am currently trying to improve on certain skills. Recently in an interview I was asked the dreaded question, "What sets you apart from the many others who have applied for this position?" I hate that question. I do not puff myself up well. I hate talking about how allegedly awesome I am, how I am allegedly better than anyone else. But I know where I need to improve. For one, my writing. I know that to become a better writer it is important to read.

I am not necessarily talking about becoming a better legal writer. That is its own beast that yes, I need to improve. One of the reasons I write this blog is to improve my writing. I do not know where I will end up professionally. I often wonder if I will ever be that courtroom trial lawyer that I dream about. But in the meantime, I can at least read more often, think about styles of writing and try to become a better writer.

I recently picked up a book I haven't read since high school: Fahrenheit 451. This book reminded me the importance of reading and seeking out new ideas, new points of view. To think for ourselves is to survive in this world of instant information and entertainment.

While this post may not make the most sense (again, I am trying to improve on writing!!!) what I'm trying to say is, I've been thinking a lot about a lot of different things. I am looking for ways to improve and the first place I am going to start is by simply taking a step back and taking an objective look at myself. I want to improve my mind and I know reading and writing are good exercises. Everything else will come with time.

Thanks for reading. xoxo

playing catch up

Weekends tend to be either super busy for us or really tame. A few weekends ago we had a wedding on Friday and Sunday I went to the Pride parade with my friend.

Pride weekend is one of my favorite weekends of the summer in Chicago, which consists of a street fest, lots of events and a parade on Sunday. We used to live right next to "Boystown" where the street fest and parade are held. It was inevitable that we would hit up the street fest every year, and I always managed to make it to the parade, even if it was by myself for a little bit. But this year I was able to meet up with a friend to check out the spectacle.

Thanks to my friend Katie for letting me use her photos from the parade.

Afterwards we had an adult beverage and a feast of hummus at George Street Pub. They have an awesome patio.

Mmm. Hummus.

 One of my hot-button issues lately has been marriage equality. I am all for it. I am a straight ally, 100% supporter of gay marriage. I firmly believe that marriage equality is a civil rights issue. Our country is discriminating against an entire class of people by denying their right to marry simply because their partner is of the same sex. Talk to me all you want about beliefs and definitions of marriage. I've heard it all and I'm not impressed. This country is discriminating, and we need to stop. Period.

This past week was Independence Day. Typically we end up celebrating most "American" holidays in some fashion or another, but there is always something about them, the 4th, Columbus Day, Thanksgiving, that make me a little sad or mad. What do I as a Native American have to celebrate on these holidays? They are subtle reminders that an entire population was decimated, and Natives continue to suffer the consequence of "independence" or the Americas being "discovered." This year we did not celebrate at all. I wasn't raised to feel negative about these holidays, in fact we celebrated them like most American families, but through my life experiences and education, I have certainly had a change of heart. Sometimes I wonder what I will tell my children about these holidays.

Enough serious talk. I've been practicing yoga everyday now and have never felt better about myself. And I am still on the smoothie kick. This morning I switched it up a bit after I was inspired a recipe I found on Pinterest. I didn't have a whole lot of strawberries left, so I adapted it with what I had on hand.

Sweet and Tart Start to the Morning
-one half ripe peach
-handful of frozen strawberries
-about 3 or 4 ounces of coconut milk
-2 heaping spoonfuls of greek yogurt
-2 counts pour of OJ*

pulse and blend. Enjoy!

*as you know by now, I don't measure. But I used to bartend. When you pour a liquid and count "one-one thousand," you pour an ounce, or so damn close to one you'll be impressed. Go try it!

Have a great weekend! xoxo

decisions, decisions, part 1

I've been busy the last week or so working a short term project. One of the tough things about working these projects is we literally sit and stare at the computer for 8+ hours a day. Rough on the body, eyes and mind. By the time I get home I have no desire to jump on the computer for anything such as looking for a full time position, much less blogging. But that job finished up on Tuesday and yesterday was a holiday (that I didn't really celebrate, more on that later), and today I had an interview.

You know that saying, be careful what you wish for, you just might get it? Well, hello, smack on the forehead, it's true. One time on our walk in the park, I told hubby, "I just want to be on a long term project, at least 3 or 4 months, so I can have some stability."

On some off chance that I'd be even considered for this job, I applied for a document review project out in Denver, CO that is slated to go for about 9-12 months. Well, guess what? I was offered the job. So now we have this huge decision to make. Part of me says, "go for it." Part of me says, "it'll be too hard to move across the country with little to no planning, or money for that matter."

The part of me that says, "go for it" is the same part that uttered the words, "I'm fed up with the job market here in Chicago." And to be true to myself, I am. I started looking for another job before the holidays last year, long before the shit hit the fan and I ended up in my current situation. I've had a steady flow of interviews, but never an offer. I've also had a small amount of experience in document review - 3 total projects. And I've hustled my way into having 2 of my own clients. Yet we live paycheck to paycheck and I am nowhere closer to finding a permanent position.

There's also a part of me that is totally enamored with the idea of moving out west. I see this as an opportunity explore the region, network and at least be geographically in the area where there are opportunities to practice Indian Law. My hubby is all for the move. I was telling my friend about my opportunity and said, "He's all heart and I'm all brain." We've made big moves before, once from Tennessee to Orlando, then from Orlando to Chicago. But those moves were well thought out and planned for, months in advance.  I am very uncertain of how this move would occur, logistically speaking. I'm just terrified of making the wrong decision.

At the very least, I'm going to sleep on it.

The lady I miss.

Yesterday I began writing my post about all the fun I had over the weekend. But I didn't finish it. I had to run to the bank to deposit a check and close out an account. This made me sad. It was an account that my brother and I had opened to help collect donations to pay for my grandmother's funeral. So when I got back home I didn't feel like finishing writing about fun times. But I didn't cry too much either. I just looked at some recent pictures of my grandma and shed a few tears. I know that she is on her journey. She is pain free. She is in a better place.

This was taken back in November 2011. At that time we thought Grandma might have lung cancer. My hubs and I drove down to see her to bring her some cheer. This picture is just before we were going to drive back home, so we had been saying our good byes and crying a bit. We later found out it wasn't cancer.

I love you, Grandma. I do miss you. But I know that you are with me always in my heart.